How to Develop Your Child's Social Skills

It is a beautiful day, the sun is shining, there is a crisp cool wind....a perfect day at the park. Or is it? Your sweet little girl keeps tossing wood chips at another child. Or your cute young boy won’t leave the comfort and security of your leg. And let’s face it neither is making you a happy camper. Extremes yes but both situations most parents have likely experienced at one point or another.

“Scheduling can be a challenge if both parents work full-time. You have to make your child's social life a priority”, stresses author and parent Ann Douglas. She is Mom to four children aged 13 through 22 and has seen it all. Douglas has also penned a parenting bible of sorts called The Mother Of All Parenting Books. She says it can be tempting to forget about play dates but says it is a mistake. “Children need opportunities to practice social skills, starting from a very early age; and the only way to do this is by playing with other children. They can't learn them by watching TV or by interacting with even the most sophisticated app.” But Douglas says that doesn’t mean you should hover or micro-manage when your child is trying to learn to get alone with others. They have to have the freedom to make some decisions on their own.
Ellen knows all about making sure there is opportunities for her children to learn to be social. She has three daughters, 6 year old Olivia and 3 ½ year old twin girls, Lucy and Abigail. Her oldest daughter has blossomed into a social little girl who is comfortable with other children and even adults but her twins are another story. Ellen says they are shy, timid girls who have lots of separation anxiety that can be quiet intense at times. She says it is something the entire family works on. “ To help them feel comfortable we have gone out a lot: play groups, library, music lessons, swimming, you name it, we’ve done it” says Ellen.
Catherine is mom to two kids, 5 year old Emilia and and 2 year old Jasper. She says they worked hard to make sure their daughter was properly socialized. “We wanted to encourage her, early on, to be comfortable in social environments” says Catherine. When it came to her son she says they got a bit lazy in part because of the second child exhaustion and in part because he seemed, from very early on, so naturally confident. “We didn’t take him to play groups and the like and we really noticed it when we finally put him in daycare at 18 months and he immediately started bonking toddlers on the head to get their toys.” Catherine says she quickly realized they needed to do more work at home and so they turned to none other than big sister Emilia. She was the role model for Jasper, showing him the ropes and modeling good social skills. “My advice: socialization and encouraging good social skills is something that parents need to be aware of from very early on - it's never too early “ says Catherine.
Ann Douglas has a few tips to help parents help their children.

1. Model good social skills yourself. That means much more than saying “Please” and “Thank you” says Douglas. Parents need to treat others with respect and genuinely care about other people.
2. Make sure you have age appropriate expectations for your kids.Your two year old needs time to master the art of sharing, just as his 8 year old brother did years before. Douglas says you shouldn’t expect him to fast forward through his development just because you have been there before and you don’t want to live through the whining again.
3. Don’t micro-manage.It is important to let your kids figure things out on their own. She’ll learn more through observation and experimentation than she will by trying to heed your play-by-play instructions stresses Douglas.

It is important to keep an eye on how things are developing though. If your child is overly aggressive or extremely shy your child might benefit from a little extra help from Mom and Dad adds Douglas. Reading books with your child with similar situations and role play situations at home are two great ways to help your child gain confidence and experience. And if you suspect your child’s social skills are lagging behind significantly, Douglas says you should ask for help, go to your family doctor with your concerns.
It is important for parents to be involved, be interested and be available to their children. Douglas also says part of the social scene of your children means parents keeping an eye open for issues and concerns, including bullying. Talk about in your family and if there is a problem seek out help.
Ellen says she is happy her girls are slowly coming out of their shell, for example the twins even went so far as to play with a neighbour, throwing leaves on her. Ellen says they have never done that before. As far as advice, Ellen is learning as she goes along. “Having some pretty unsocial children I can say that they will do things when they are good and ready, they will branch out and interact with others comfortably when they are ready.”
Originally posted on http://www.everythingmom.com